How to Get Out of the Comparison Game

I’m just going to come out and say it: I’ve struggled with comparison.

It used to be really bad for me. Like disordered eating, perfectionism mindset, self-loathing, panic attacks kind of bad.

And although it’s gotten a lot better, I still have moments where I get sucked into the comparison game.

It’s why I told a friend a few years ago that I would never regularly use major social media platforms in my life. Back then it was hard for me not to compare myself to people. (Clearly I’ve conquered it because now I’m regularly on Instagram haha!) Still, to this day I intentionally flee from the temptation to compare myself to others.

Like I said though, I’ve gotten better at staying out of the game. But to stay out successfully, I’ve learned what the game is (what is comparison) and recognize when its taking a toll on me (consequences of comparison). So if you’d like to learn how to get out of the comparison game, keep reading.

Comparison at its finest

I like the way Merriam-Webster defines the word comparison: to examine the character or qualities of [two or more things] especially in order to discover resemblances or differences¹.

In other words, when someone is comparing something to another thing, they complete a few actions:

• Analyze those things they’re comparing in great detail to establish their character and nature
• Purposefully look for differences and/or similarities between those things
• Refer to a standard to compare those things to (either to each other or another external standard)

Let’s break it down, shall we?

Unreliable reality

Comparison is an attempt to establish the true character of something. Such analysis becomes unreliable when we’re comparing “perfected” aspects that don’t truly represent the nature of those things.

Stay with me.

The pressure to be perfect, look perfect, do things perfectly, and have the perfect life is growing, hence people mainly show the flawless aspects of their lives. The thing is, a lot of the time we don’t realize or acknowledge that we are looking at the flawless representation of a small piece of a person’s life. We tend to think what we see is the entire person and their life.

At least that’s what I used to do.

But let me tell you (if you didn’t know already), comparing yourself and your life to a tiny “perfect” piece of what a person allows you to see of themselves is not helpful. It’s not a reliable comparison.

Same difference

Did you know there are different methods of comparison?

There’s the equal method of comparison, where you’re looking for similarities and to see if two or more things share the same amount of a character or trait.

Then there’s the comparative method of comparison. This type tries to the show a difference between two things. Usually, words that end with “er” and “est” are used to establish differences (example: hotter, smarter, better, newest, fastest, best).

Either way you go about it, when comparing yourself to another person, you’re likely doing both. You’re probably asking yourself “how am I the same as this person?” and “how are we different?”.

Sometimes asking these questions can be for your good. Like when you’re looking for a role model, examples of people to help encourage you, or want to see what’s possible for your life. However, if done with the wrong mindset or if you constantly focus on these answers, most of the time asking these questions can be detrimental to you. (I’ll get into how doing so is harmful in a little bit.)

No set standards

Comparison always requires referring to a standard to determine if something is the same, different, better, or best.

The issue is this: societal standards are constantly changing.

When the goal line keeps changing, it’s hard to ever “win” in the comparison game. In fact, you can’t win if the criteria you’re comparing yourself with are always shifting.

Constantly comparing yourself to other people and their lives is not without consequences. If you’re ready to intentionally leave comparison behind, check out my FREE Personal Declaration Cards for help in overcoming the habit of negative self-evaluation.

It’s not fun and games

If I haven’t convinced you yet that, with the wrong intentions, comparing yourself to others is something you don’t want to be doing, hopefully going over the negative consequences of this type of self-assessment will seal the deal.

Have you already experienced these effects? Be honest as you read through. It will help you realize just how crucial it is that you stop comparing people to yourself.

Envy & discontentment

Here are two possible outcomes of the comparison game. Either you become unhappy and resentful towards others as a result of longing for what other people have (their tangible and/or intangible possessions).

Or you become ungrateful, dissatisfied, and even competitive with others because you feel as though you lack something in your life.

I don’t want either outcomes for my life. Do you?

Pride

I’m talking about the negative connotation associated with pride for the purposes of this post. Regularly comparing yourself to others can lead to over-confidence in yourself and abilities. You start to think falsely highly of yourself, become boastful, and exalt yourself over others.

Maybe you don’t verbally express your pride but it’s there in the way you think about yourself and other people. It’s rooted in your heart and motivates your behaviour.

What’s worse, pride ultimately leads to you feeling adequate when someone else fails or when you see them as less than yourself. That ain’t a good way to live your life.

Low self-esteem

This consequence is the main reason I stopped following certain people on social media. Instead of inspiring me and pushing me to improve, comparing myself led me to think poorly of myself, my gifts, and my life.

Can you relate?

If you’re not careful, the comparison game will lead to a lousy view of yourself, self-doubt, and self-loathing.

Unproductivity

How much time have you spent looking at another person, analyzing all the things that they have that you don’t, thinking about all the ways they’re better than you?

Then think about how you felt after doing this. Were you motivated to get stuff done?

I experienced this a few weeks ago. Comparing myself to others only resulted in wasting my time, decreasing my motivation, and fueling the fear of failure. Thankfully I recognized this and quickly stopped.

But if you don’t recognize this consequence of comparison, a moment of unproductivity can become a lifetime wasted.

Mind games

Like all negative mindsets, poor mental health is not far behind. Comparison can be a contributing factor to burnout, social disconnection, depression, anxiety, eating disorders, sleep issues, and more.

This game is not benign on your mind.

Get out of the game

Now that you have a better understanding of what comparison is, why you’re doing it, and recognize when it’s happening and its effects, you can move on to taking steps that replace that habit with healthier ones.

Mind your thought life

I’ve talked about the importance of a healthy thought life in my posts on burnout and gratitude and I can’t stress it enough. Taking control of every thought that enters your mind is key to getting out of the comparison game.

Take stock of what you think about and how you think about those things. If you notice thoughts of comparison creeping in, replace them with thoughts based on the Truth. 

Try this:

• Think honourably and kindly about what you’re comparing yourself to and think the same way about yourself
• Give credit mentally and verbally where it’s due without putting yourself or another person down
• Reflect on what is motivating you – your values or external praise and desire for material possessions
• Ask yourself if your values based on what society values or what you value
• Determine what your core values are and focus on those instead of people and things.

Speak over yourself

It’s okay to notice the amazing traits in other people and their lives. It’s also crucial you notice them in your life as well and declare them over yourself on a regular basis. Call it whatever you like – positive affirmations, personal declarations, and so on. What matters is what you say about yourself.

Try it right now: declare something positive about yourself.

As you say true and positive things more, you’ll start to believe and receive it for yourself. But don’t just stop there.

Remember, your thoughts should influence your actions. I encourage you to also do things that help affirm those declarations over yourself. As you do so, it feeds back into your thoughts, positively impacting your feelings and behaviours. This influences your heart and who you and people perceive you as.

Practice gratitude

I won’t go into great detail here because I have an entire post on this. However, I will say that if you want to overcome the envy, discontentment, and unproductivity of comparison, then you need to start practicing gratitude.

To be more grateful, you need to change your external and internal environment – see, hear, think, and speak gratitude.

Choose excellence

It took me a couple years but I realized there is a difference between excellence and perfection. Choosing to live your life with excellence will help you stop comparing yourself to others.

How? Consider these things:

• Excellence is going beyond the expectations set before you – yours and everyone else’s.
• ⁠Perfection is meeting and staying within the confines of the expectations set before you. ⁠
• ⁠Regular examination of your efforts in relation to a higher standard – not everyone else’s standards – is required for excellence.
• Perfection requires regular comparison of your efforts to everyone else’s efforts and regularly determining if you’ve made any mistakes compared to others. ⁠(It’s a negative focus!)
• ⁠You’re not competing with other people when you aim for excellence. You don’t even compete with yourself. Instead, you’re focused on running your race and running it well.
• With perfection, you’re always competing with other people. The focus is on other people.
• ⁠When it comes to excellence, you’re intentionally living your life in such a way where you will constantly grow, improve, be better, and do better according to that higher standard. There’s no time for comparison.
•  ⁠You’re only living your life to grow, improve, be better, and do better to a certain point when it comes to perfection. ⁠From then on you’re simply trying to keep up. (That’s so tiring.)
• ⁠Excellence will help you live that fuller and freer life.
• Perfection will only limit you and keep you in the comparison game.⁠

Choose excellence ya’ll.

Pursue a higher standard

Finally, I want to encourage you, above all else, to choose a different standard, the Highest Standard.

As I’ve mentioned before, the rules of the comparison game are always changing. What makes someone better today doesn’t make them better tomorrow. To be the best means you’ll forever be following trends and chasing after constantly changing standards, if you base your standards on those of society’s.

There’s a better way.

You can choose to set your own standards, according to your core values. Be the best based on what you deem important instead of what society says is important.

But there’s still the best way.

The Way, Truth, and Life that gets you to retire from the comparison game once and for all – Jesus.

If you’re ready to make Him your highest standard, ask Him right now to be your personal Lord and Saviour and find a local church that will help you develop a relationship with Him. You can also contact me and I can help you get started along this awesome life journey.

Now what?

Alrighty, now you have the tools. You know about comparison and how to overcome it. I encourage you to start practicing these tips right now. I have FREE Personal Declaration Cards to help you stop comparing yourself and your life to other people.

Also, please share this post with your friends if you found it helpful. And let me know in the comments below what helps you the most in overcoming comparison.