5 Reasons to Be Patient (And the #1 Reason You’re Not)

When you think about the word “patient”, what comes to mind?

Maybe you’re thinking you and that word could never be associated and yet, you want to be.

The type of patience I’m talking about in this post is the kind where you’re “long-tempered” (as opposed to quick-tempered)⁶. You have a desire to be someone who doesn’t flip their lid at every little thing. You’re trying to be someone people don’t have to watch what they say around and working on not being labeled as “easily offended”.

That’s right – being patient isn’t only about waiting expectantly for something hoped for or enduring a difficult situation.

So what’s this other side of being patient and how do you master it?

The other side

Patience is about waiting, but where one aspect of being patient has to do with holding on to an expectant hope, the other aspect relates to anger deferred.

A patient person is someone able to wait the right amount of time before expressing their anger, if at all⁴. Patient people exercise self-restraint when responding to an offense and are slow to retaliate when they’ve been wronged⁵. In fact, retaliation isn’t an objective with patient people; their anger is expressed only for select few circumstances³. It might even seem like patient people don’t ever get offended, but they do. They just don’t dwell on what offends them and the way they show their anger is through gentleness.

Now how can you be more like that and keep your cool?

Patience revealed

If you’re going to fix a problem, you have to know the root of the problem, have reasons why it’s important to you that you deal with it, and come up with a realistic solution to the issue. Overcoming impatience is no different.

In this post you’ll learn why patience is important and why you’re still struggling with being a patient person.

For a deep dive into what patience is, the ultimate source of patience, and how to be more patient, check out my FREE faith-based devotional Cultivate: Patience, Gentleness, & Self-Control. 

Why you need to be patient

I like to start off with getting you to “buy into” the reasons you need to be a patient person. If you want that full and free life, you’ll want to develop some patience. Here are five reasons why:

#1 – Gain understanding

You might be thinking that by deferring your frustrations, you’re creating a situation for when it will explode out into the open later.

Well, hold up a minute. To defer something doesn’t mean to ignore it.

Being patient involves delaying a reaction but while you’re putting things on hold, do the work of trying to understand the circumstances that led to the situation you’re trying not to react to.

Patience gives you the time needed to better comprehend why you’re feeling the way you do. It enables you to get insights into the reasons behind a person’s offensive behaviour. A patient person seeks to determine if their anger is worth expressing (or even justified in the first place) and how best to communicate their frustration about the thing offending them.

With patience you gain understanding.

#2 – Self-control

A key aspect of patience is the mastery of your desire to strike back when someone’s done you wrong. Hence, being patient involves having self-restraint.

This control isn’t about avoiding feeling angry. Nope, the emotion itself isn’t bad. It’s the thoughts producing the emotion and what you do with the feeling that matters.

The great thing about being patient and working to cultivate self-control when it comes to expressing your anger is that it benefits multiple aspects of your life.

How you do one thing is how you do everything. If your response to offensive, annoying, frustrating situations isn’t under control, then neither will your behaviour towards your finances, lifestyle habits (ex. exercise, eating, drinking, what you watch for entertainment, etc.), how you spend your time, relationships, and more. You’ll let every desire and passion you have run your life, not just your emotions.

Starting with patience and fostering some restraint when it comes to feelings of anger is the gateway for self-control over the rest of your emotions and every other area of your life.

Be sure to check out my FREE faith-based devotional Cultivate: Patience, Gentleness, & Self-control to learn more about what true self-control is and how to nurture it in your life.

#3 – Experience joy

Recall from my previous post about joy that, unlike happiness that crumbles under difficulties, joy has staying power. That’s a connection to one side of patience – expectant hope (the ability to be glad in less-than-ideal circumstances).

But also remember how joy isn’t a reaction to something but rather a state of being? How do you think that is?

I believe the term you’re looking for is “patience”.

A patient person doesn’t instantly react to frustrating, irritating situations but takes their time to determine when and what is the appropriate way to convey the anger they’re feeling. If you immediately respond to every little thing that bugs you all the time, it will be pretty impossible to stay in a state of delight and gladness. This is because constantly succumbing to your anger in your actions and words breeds angry thoughts and if your thoughts are more focused on an offense than what is delightful and glad, it makes it difficult to actually cultivate joy. (Learn more with the devotional Cultivate: Joy & Peace.)

No, I’m not saying you should ignore the thoughts that are leading to your frustration but I’m not promoting you do or say things that create more angry thoughts either (ie. be impatient). Being patient will help you maintain your joy through the multitude of offenses that come at you daily by nurturing behaviours that keep your thoughts on what matter.

#4 – True kindness

Kindness is built on objectivity, inclusivity, sincerity, and unconditionality and goes hand in hand with being patient.

If you’re going to be a patient person, you have to be patient with all people, ignoring whether you feel like it or not, even if it won’t lead to any worldly benefits. And not just be patient in when you do or say something but be patient in the way you do and say those things.

Having a hard time with patience will make it challenging to be kind – serve people in all things joyfully, in a gentle style and tender attitude, without resentment^1,2,7.

#5 – Better conflicts

One more obvious reason being patient is important is that it helps you reduce the intensity and severity of a conflict.

I don’t think conflicts in and of themselves are bad but there is a better way to have a conflict, and being patient during an argument can seriously help.

Think about the last time you had a disagreement with someone that went well and another disagreement that went wrong. Most of the time, arguments become volatile real quick when we’re quick to express our anger. Hitting the pause button before conveying your frustration can go a long way in resolving conflicts and avoiding strife and contention.

The struggle is real

Alrighty, now that you know why you should be a patient person, it’s time to figure out why it’s still a struggle to keep your cool when offended.

The reason: pride.

Pride defined

A proud person centers their thoughts around what others have done for or to them, how they look or feel, what they deem acceptable. Everything is about them. Stripped down, pride is self-centeredness. It’s the constant focus on oneself. Pride is a spectrum and, when it comes to patience, gentleness, and self-control, it’s rooted in a wish to elevate your desires, wants, and needs above everyone else’s and the thought that your way is better.

Link to anger

There’s lots of talk out there about letting go of frustration, to never be angry, and to avoid getting irritated as much as possible. But let me be clear. I’m not here to tell you that feeling angry is wrong.

Anger toward the right thing, for the right reasons, to fulfill the right purpose, that is under control, in good timing, for the right amount of time is great.

Be honest, though.

I bet most of the time when you express your anger, a lot of these prerequisites aren’t met and that’s due to pride.

I’ll give you a real-life example. Just this past week, I got into it with my husband over the silliest of things. I was focused on how he’d hurt me, the fact that things weren’t going the way I thought they should, and his lack of understanding of my viewpoints. It was all about me, myself, and I and my pride took what could have been a simple conversation to a breakdown of communication filled with anger and frustration.

When the focus is on self, anger is never towards the right things, for the right reasons, fulfilling the right purpose, under control, at the right time, for the right length of time.

Link to patience

Once pride is present, it nurtures the type of anger that patience is trying to overcome.

Impatience results from your desires, wants, and needs not being elevated above all else and your preferences not being considered first. When something doesn’t go the way you think it should or when something doesn’t make you feel good about your sense of self, you might be quick to respond with frustration and irritation. Impatient people are easily offended when things don’t go according to their unconscious mantra of “my will be done”.  

A lack of patience is the consequence of pride. If you don’t deal with your pride, you’ll always find it hard to be patient.

Go from here

Remember, I’m not saying that anger is wrong. What I’m saying is if you’re going to feel angry, being patient will help you:

• Determine if there’s a need to express that anger
• Try to see things from a perspective that isn’t all about you
• Express anger at the appropriate time
• Avert a volatile result
• Communicate anger the right way

But first things first: deal with your pride.

Want to go even further? Check out my FREE faith-based devotional Cultivate: Patience, Gentleness & Self-Control to learn how to overcome pride with humility, learn what gentleness and self-control are and how nurturing these two things will help you be more patient.