Identity: How to Answer “Who Am I?”

Who am I?

It’s a question about identity that I’ve asked myself throughout my entire life. From job interviews to a few days before my wedding and a couple months after my son was born, I’ve tried to figure out what my true identity is. Each time I tried I was left with more questions.

Why am I here?

Does anything I do really matter?

What am I supposed to do with my life?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s asked themselves questions about their identity. Over the years I’ve learned if I want to live a complete life – a life that is lived on purpose as my truest self – I need to have an accurate response for the question “who am I?”.

If you want a full and free life, not only will you need to get serious about your core values and worldview, but you’ll have to be certain of your identity as well.

This requires a good understanding of what goes into defining who you are.

The components

The aim of this blog post and accompanying set of FREE Discovering Your Identity reflection questions is to help you learn the foundation of an identity and discover what your true identity is.

People usually respond to questions about who they are by listing off a bunch of life roles they play, things they possess, and successes and failures they’ve experienced. They will tell you about multiple external factors and end there.

Did you know you are more than the sum of these roles, possessions, and experiences?

Your identity is the connection created to your sense of self by the aligning and positioning of oneself in reference to something^3,4. That “something” is your worldview and core values.

Let’s break this down further.

Your viewpoint

The term “worldview” comes from the German term Weltanschauung, which means “a particular philosophy or view of life”⁸. It’s a set of beliefs you have made up of viewpoints on theology, cosmology, anthropology, metaphysics, epistemology, and axiology and it matters because your worldview informs the definition of who you are.

Particularly your anthropological viewpoint.

Your view on anthropology includes perspectives on your own purpose, innate attributes, and reason for being as well as those of humankind’s¹.

This is the stuff your identity is built on.

(To learn more about the term “worldview” and discover what yours is, check out my FREE e-book Completely You).

Your core values

The word “value” comes from the Old French term valoir, which means “be worth”⁷. A core value is something you believe is worth your time, money, efforts, and energy and it captures what you deem important in life.

Your core values are based on your worldview, particularly the axiology component. This consists of viewpoints on what is wrong and bad versus right and good, ie. what one should value in life¹.

These values, together with all the other components of your worldview, go on to shape your inner person.

(To learn more about core values, check out this blog post.)

Your inner person

Your inner person – your heart – is the expression of your thinking, feeling, doing, and behaving. It’s the affective core of your being.

Since it’s your affective core, this means your heart is where your your external factors (your life) flow from. Your roles, possessions, and experiences are an outpouring of your heart.

External factors

So what are these external factors?

A role is defined as a position that is assumed and it includes a job title, relationship designation (ex. wife, mother, sister, friend), ethnicity, race, gender, etc.⁶.

Possessions are things you own, occupy, or control⁵. Examples of this are material things (ex. clothes, money, car) and where you live.

Experiences are things you have “encountered, undergone, and lived through”².

And all of them carry out three essential functions.

Ready to finally figure out your true identity? Check out this set of FREE Discovering Your Identity reflection questions where you’ll develop a working definition of who you really are and discover three things that need to be included in your definition.

The function of your life

As I mentioned earlier in this post, your identity is not the sum of a bunch of external factors but rather defined by your worldview.

Still, your roles, possessions, and experiences do three important things related to your identity and purpose: symbolize, support, and assist.

#1 – Symbolize

I had many negative childhood experiences growing up and for a while I let those experiences define me. As a result, I lived my life thinking I was a victim instead of a victor and often viewed myself as dysfunctional and felt hopeless. Once I figured out what I’ve lived through is not who I am, I now confidently use my life’s experiences to positively showcase myself to the world.

My ignorance of the fact that external factors represent parts of me affected my relationship with my son, too. Because I let my new role as mom completely identify me as a person, I experienced intense feelings of anger towards son and felt like there was nothing more to who I was. When I understood that being a mom represents (and doesn’t define) an aspect of my true sense of self, I figured out who I really am and am more satisfied in my role as a parent.

If you ignore the fact that the roles you play, the things you own, or what you live through operate to embody who you are, you’ll mistakenly make those external factors the definition of yourself. Any new role, loss of a possession, or negative experience will make you feel like you don’t know who you are anymore, when in fact your identity hasn’t changed at all.

Thus, function number one: external factors symbolize parts of your identity.

#2 – Support

It surprised me to learn that rebar (steel rods) are used to help strengthen a house’s foundation because I thought you just poured some cement and called it a day. But I’ve learned rebar is integral for reinforcing a foundation and helps make it more solid.

This is what your roles, possessions, and experiences can do.

I’ve also seen foundations of homes that don’t have rebar supporting them. The home may still be standing but it’s not as safe or secure as a house built on a reinforced foundation.

Although your life doesn’t define you, the external factors are still important because they can strengthen the beliefs you hold about who you are.

Thus, function number two: external factors support your identity.

The link to purpose

Usually when someone asks themselves “who am I?” the questions that follow are “why am I here?” and “what am I supposed to do with my life?”.

That’s because identity and purpose are linked.

Think about the person that believes the reason they exist is to be a parent. Maybe you think the purpose of your life is to get married, have a good job, and own a house.

I used to believe this yet, when I got married, bought a house with my husband, and started working as a resident physician, I didn’t feel like I had accomplished my purpose.

If you’re struggling to figure out what you’re supposed to do with your life or feel like you’re not fulfilling your purpose, it might be because you’re letting external factors dictate your purpose instead of your identity.

# 3 – Assist

When you know what something is (its identity), you can figure out what that thing is meant to do (its purpose) and once you know what something is supposed to do, you can properly use it. Put another way, you don’t typically figure out what something is or what it’s supposed to do by the way you use it. If you do, you’re lucky.

Take a cellphone, for example. You probably use your phone to take pictures, plan your day, send emails, etc. but if you didn’t know it was a cellphone, you might identify incorrectly. Maybe you’d label it a camera, planner, or computer. Even if you did know it was a cellphone, you would miss the fact that its meant to make phone calls if you based its purpose on how you used it.

The same applies to your identity and purpose.

When you know your identity, you can figure out what you’re meant to do with your life. Once you realize your purpose, you will think, feel, speak, and behave accordingly and use your roles, possessions, and experiences to help you efficiently and effectively live on purpose.

Thus, function number three: external factors assist you in fulfilling your purpose.

Going forward

Alrighty, that was pretty philosophical. If you’re at this point you should be able to understand

• What an identity is and what it consists of
• The function of your life regarding your identity and purpose

Trust me, you want to get this because understanding these things will help you live a complete life.

And what’s a complete life?

A life on purpose flowing from your heart and connected to what you treasure most, based on knowing exactly who you are.

Ready to practice what you just learned? Get your set of FREE Discovering Your Identity reflection questions. With this resource you’ll develop a working definition of who you are by answering simple but insightful questions plus discover three things that need to be included this definition.

As always, I’d love to hear from you so comment below with your thoughts on this post. And don’t forget to share this post with your friends!